Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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