the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
