I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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