why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
