the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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