Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
