i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
