Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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