Umm I'm too high to move.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I checked into jail on foursquare
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
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