Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
