When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
there was a trapeze. enough said
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
