fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
