Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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