Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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