i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
