he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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