Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
