yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
