Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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