I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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