you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
