ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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