So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
