I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
you never un-have a 4some
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
