She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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