The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
