she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Please don't give away my fajitas
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
