If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
operation have a gay friend backfired
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
