Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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