i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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