is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
