she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
