Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
