Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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