im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
