All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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