It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
