I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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