So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
