i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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