I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
