masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
