Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
