Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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