If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
