im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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