I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
