You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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