Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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