I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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