I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
